I have the man flu. I don’t get sick very often and I am calling it man flu in an attempt to beat any women reading this to naming it before me. It is however much, much more serious than that.
I can remember a few days ago at work sneezing a lot. I remember thinking, “That’s strange.”
Then it hit me. I have now had 2 days off and am bored out of my skull.
I often find myself preaching. I will say things to people like,”There’s always a silver lining.” Or “The flu is a sign that you’re body is fighting well.” My body is fighting alright! The silver lining? Well let me list them in no particular order or level of importance.
1. I know exactly how many channels I have on pay TV. I am paying for many unnecessarily.
2. If I turn the TV on at 630am and watch Discovery Turbo, American Chopper is on.
3. If I have the ceiling fan on in the bedroom I can follow one blade during its revolution if it’s set at number 2. (I quickly stopped that as my eyes hurt to move).
4. I swear the carved turtle I have sitting on the shelf is watching me and does “stuff” when my back is turned but stops doing anything when it senses I am about to quickly turn around to “catch” it out.
5. I must have plenty of gas left in the cylinder after all as I left the oven on all night last night and it was still burning this morning.
6. I have reaffirmed the inkling that my daughter is a hoarder as I felt good enough today to attempt a short poke around in her room to pack more of her things to take home at Christmas. I walked back out of her room bewildered but firm in my conviction to lie to her face later.
7. I clearly need to make more friends that I can text with meaningless messages during times like this. Why do we not consider a grape to be a berry?
8. I look better naked in the mirror first thing in the morning than I do as the day progresses. (This is either because my eyes are cloudy first thing or I shrink under the forces of gravity throughout the day and therefore am beautifully stretched after the evening’s slumber).
9. I possibly look in the mirror too much.
10. People don’t post on facebook nearly often enough.
11. Watching Tammy Baker on the Church channel is some of the best entertainment I have ever had. What was wrong with her followers? How can a nation be so gullible?
12. The “Cami Shaper”as advertised, eliminates back fat, belly bulge and love handles, there are a number of ways to get rock-hard abs, some of them at only 5 minutes a day and there may still be a chance I can get my hair back.
As I write this I can feel myself getting better. No doubt tomorrow will find me back to normal life which is a shame really. Surely there’s more to learn!
Was that turtle facing that way last night?